Keep me going???

Its just one of those "off days" actually to be very precise the second "off day" in a row.. Emptiness has no words... but that's the axiom I'm trying to disprove.. trying to dissolve my emptiness in words... its becoming like a natural state of being for me these days... i know i have a family that adores me.. Friends who care... and many who appreciate... but its just that many times there is feeling that there is more "ingenuinity" around me than true love and care...

Its not about high expectations and a demanding role that has left me feeling this way.. i have always believed in age old teaching of the Bhagavad Gita

"Karmanya vadhikaraste ma phleshu kadaachanma

karmphal heturbhurma te sango astav akarmani"

which means your right is only to do your duty, and not to its fruit or result. Neither the result of your action should be your motive, nor should you become inactive.

I have always believed in it and tried my human best to practise it.. but sometimes its really difficult not to expect something in return.. and as most people would agree having expectations from someone else is asking for disappointment..

There is a cognitive dissonance in my mind about what i want to do...no desire to express what i feel, (because truly i can't) and then there is again a tug of war between the head and the heart..

for now I'm trying to remind myself to do my duty.. to love and care.. to help and share...it should keep me going at least for the time.. and when I'm in a better state of mind I'll work on my cognitive dissonance..