No expectations no disappointments

"We do not indeed so often disappoint others as ourselves. We ourselves to form hopes which we never communicate, and please our thoughts with employments which none will ever allot us, and with elevations to which we are never expected to rise; and when our days and years have passed away in common business or common amusements, and we find at last that we have suffered our purposes to sleep till the time of action is past, we are reproached only by our own reflections; neither our friends nor our enemies wonder that we live and die like the rest of mankind; that we live without notice, and die without memorial; they know not what task we had proposed, and therefore cannot discern whether it is finished."

Under pressure and stress of this overburdened life often one tends to forget themselves. Changing the way one thinks from good to bad, better to worse, is just because one is too afraid to experience emotions and so the attempt to escape and think it will protect from disappointment.

shortcut to happiness????

It was a couple of years back that i participated in a play.. Dr Faustus.. ok i'm a student of literature.. but its one of the best plays ive read.. and the best ive been a part of till date. the plot overview is basically that Dr. Faustus a scholar is dissatisfied with his knowledge sells his soul to the devil (Lucifer himself) for twenty four years of knowledge and prosperity..

The whole play and our performance just came as a flashback when i was watching this movie called "Shortcut to Happiness". the protagonist sells his soul for name fame success and glory, but after he has that he is still not happy on the inside..

how many of us would gladly do that... little do we realise that name fame and success might give us momentary happiness but not fill our hearts with happiness.. cannot give us the euphoria that would bring tears of joy...

why do we pour ourselves into pursuits that provide so little in lasting happiness???

why is it that no thought is given to Aristotle's saying "happiness is "the virtuous activity of the soul in accordance with reason, happiness is the practice of virtue." - there is no shortcut to happiness

or may be i just think toooo much :P

Choose wisely..

"Its not abilities but our choices that truly define who we are " - Albus Dumbledore

when i was just thinking what is the good that i learn from the post today, i heard Albus Dumbledore.. and it was like lightening struck.. (the Eureka types). what is life all about, the big decisions that i make?? well yes ofcourse, but more so the little little choices i make everyday. and then i thought do i always have a choice? because most of the time i feel i am compelled to do things, but now when i look back, i've always had choices when i felt i dint its just that i dint like the ones available.

Sometimes it may seem insignificant what we choose, but every minor decision of ours has an impact on our lives.

So what is important is to make a choice. Choose wisely and stick by it; nobody says it'll be easy but you will definitely get there!!

In the journey of life

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." - Mark Twain

What does it really mean??

well atleast to me, it says,

in the journey of life...
do what you're supposed to do
do what you want to do
and
do it the way you're supposed to..

don't bother about the outcome or outspoken
because you know you've the right the best you could.

Pass it on..

Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on;
T' was not give for thee alone, Pass it on.
Let it travel down the years,
Let it wipe another's tears,
till in heaven the deed appears; Pass it on."

Rev. Henry Burton wrote this hymn when he heard his brother in law narrate an act of kindness shown to him and how he was asked to pass on the kindness..

This has been my favorite hymn since the day I've learnt it... more than the song its what the song has taught me.. It taught me that the best moments of life are the little unremembered acts of kindness and love..

There are 3 principles of kindness... ( I dint formulate them but try to emulate them)

1. kindness seeks opportunities to express itself
2. Kindness is shown for the sake of someone else
3. Kindness is not slow in taking the initiative to meet a need

"T' was a sunshine of a smile, Pass it on;
Staying but a little while, Pass it on;
April beam the little thing,
Still it wakes the flowers of Spring,
Makes the silent bird to sing, Pass it on."

Its little acts of kindness that we need to show, so don't wait for something big, Love demands the loving deed, Pass it on.

Mixed Emotions...

A study in Washington suggests people who experience mixed emotions (the feeling of positive and negative emotions) are more creative people.. and the psychologists go on to explain that such people interpret the experience as a signal that they are in an unusual environment and respond to it by creative thinking.

Another study says that people remember occasions with mixed emotions are not remembered as well as those where the felt singally happy or sad.. obvious isn't it.. because we tend to rely less on the episodic memory of emotional experience. We are uncomfortable with mixed emotions. We want to resolve the conflicts. Thereby we fade the emotional intensity.

and there is my theory.. that mixed emotions are a result of "lack of emotional persistence". We react differently to the same situation at different times. We react differently to different situations at the same time..

there is really nothing deep to be lost in thought. there is no strange philosophy. the nuance of emotion is that "you can like and hate a person at the same time"

just be sure of how you handle your mixed emotions.. let it not make a mix of anything else..

Possessiveness..

i got a text which said that "possessiveness does not arise because we do not trust someone but because we cannot imagine our life without them.." and i just starting thinking about it..


and as usual i checked the dictionary.. the dictionary defines possessiveness as "Having or manifesting a desire to control or dominate another, especially in order to limit that person's relationships with others." Um.. does that sound good??? the tendency to feel possessive is totally natural but there is a huge difference between being and acting possessive.. most have the opinion that personal freedom and choice are of utmost importance.. but for all though..


Possessiveness is the underlying reason that otherwise sane person totally insane... and possessiveness is not found only in a romantic relationship where there might be a degree of insecurity forming the base of this emotion...

but look a toddler... try taking his mum away from him and you'll hear him wailing, screaming and probably he'd attempt to beat you up.. and toddlers are possessive not only about their mums but also about their toys...

but the toddler is just learning isnt he???

relationships collapse because of possessiveness overdrive and power struggle.. actions in a relationship can never be reasoned out.. the joys and happiness are meant to be shared and not limited like a piece of cake or cookie.. not being over-possessive is a lesson and learning in life that requires conscious effort from our part to put in practise..

in any relationship it should not be sought to take over the other person's life.. rather enhance it..

Three Questions....

It once occurred to a certain king, that if he always knew the right time to begin everything; if he knew who were the right people to listen to, and whom to avoid, and, above all, if he always knew what was the most important thing to do, he would never fail in anything he might undertake.
wishing to find the right answers to his questions, he decided to consult a hermit, widely renowned for his wisdom.
The hermit lived in a wood which he never quit and he received none but common folk. So the King put on simple clothes, and before reaching the hermit's cell dismounted from his horse, and, leaving his bodyguard behind, went on alone.
When the King approached, the hermit was digging the ground in front of his hut. Seeing the King, he greeted him and went on digging. The hermit was frail and weak, and each time he stuck his spade into the ground and turned a little earth, he breathed heavily.
The King went up to him and said: 'I have come to you, wise hermit, to ask you to answer three questions: How can I learn to do the right thing at the right time? Who are the people I most need, and to whom should I, therefore, pay more attention than to the rest? And, what affairs are the most important and need my first attention?'
The hermit listened to the King, but answered nothing. He just spat on his hand and recommenced digging.
'You are tired,' said the King, 'let me take the spade and work a while for you.'
'Thanks!' said the hermit, and, giving the spade to the King, he sat down on the ground.
When he had dug two beds, the King stopped and repeated his questions. The hermit again gave no answer, but rose, stretched out his hand for the spade, and said:
'Now rest awhile -- and let me work a bit.'
But the King did not give him the spade, and continued to dig. One hour passed, and another. The sun began to sink behind the trees, and the King at last stuck the spade into the ground, and said:
'I came to you, wise man, for an answer to my questions. If you can give me none, tell me so, and I will return home.'
'Here comes some one running,' said the hermit, 'let us see who it is.'
The King turned round, and saw a bearded man come running out of the wood. The man held his hands pressed against his stomach, and blood was flowing from under them. When he reached the King, he fell fainting on the ground moaning feebly. The King and the hermit unfastened the man's clothing. There was a large wound in his stomach.The King washed it as best he could, and bandaged it with his handkerchief and with a towel the hermit had. But the blood would not stop flowing, and the King again and again removed the bandage soaked with warm blood, and washed and rebandaged the wound. When at last the blood ceased flowing, the man revived and asked for something to drink. The King brought fresh water and gave it to him. Meanwhile the sun had set, and it had become cool. So the King, with the hermit's help, carried the wounded man into the hut and laid him on the bed. Lying on the bed the man closed his eyes and was quiet; but the King was so tired with his walk and with the work he had done, that he crouched down on the threshold, and also fell asleep -- so soundly that he slept all through the short summer night. When he awoke in the morning, it was long before he could remember where he was, or who was the strange bearded man lying on the bed and gazing intently at him with shining eyes.
'Forgive me!' said the bearded man in a weak voice, when he saw that the King was awake and was looking at him.
'I do not know you, and have nothing to forgive you for,' said the King.
'You do not know me, but I know you. I am that enemy of yours who swore to revenge himself on you, because you executed his brother and seized his property. I knew you had gone alone to see the hermit, And i resolved to kill you on your way back. But the day passed and youdid not return. So I came out from my ambush to find you, and I came upon your bodyguard, and they recognized me, and wounded me. I escaped from them, but should have bled to death had you not dressed my wound.I wished to kill you, and you have saved my life. Now, if I live, and if you wish it, I will serve you as your most faithful slave, and will bid my sons do the same. Forgive me!'
The King was very glad to have made peace with his enemy so easily, and to have gained him for a friend, and he not only forgave him, but said he would send his servants and his own physician to attend him, and promised to restore his property.
Having taken leave of the wounded man, the King went out into the porch and looked around for the hermit. Before going away he wished once more to beg an answer to the questions he had put. The hermit was outside, on his knees, sowing seeds in the beds that had been dug the day before.
The King approached him, and said:
'For the last time, I pray you to answer my questions, wise man.'
'You have already been answered!' said the hermit still crouching on his thin legs, and looking up at the King, who stood before him.
'How answered? What do you mean?' asked the King.
'Do you not see,' replied the hermit. 'If you had not pitied my weakness yesterday, and had not dug these beds for me, but had gone your way, that man would have attacked you, and you would have repented of not having stayed with me. So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business. Afterwards, when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business. Remember then: "there is only one time that is important -- Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else: and the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life! "

This is a Buddhist parable by Leo Tolstoy. And the simplicity with which it explains the philosophy of "When, What, How" is amazing. It is this basic understanding that we need to reduce our own suffering and realise our full potential of compassion and tranquility and the sense of happiness...
1903

Think before you speak....

“Weigh your words” is not a futile one liner idiom. Communication is the most important aspect our relationship with others. Your words can either bring you happiness or come back to haunt you. It all depends on you. Like an arrow which has left the bow, words out from the mouth cannot be taken back. Sometimes words can hurt deeper than swords. “SORRY, I DIN’T MEAN THAT” doesn’t really always heal the wound harsh words leave. And by the way if you dint mean that couldn’t you be more thoughtful and considerate about the other persons feelings??



When we feel the emotion of anger, we are most likely to take it out on whoever is with us.. and if no one is we have the tendency to call someone and vent out our frustration.. and end up saying something we might regret..

You don’t really have to agree with everyone and everything all the time… but listen.. listen to their side of the story and then put forth your difference in opinion.. but thoughtfully and gently..

I know that there have been times when something has upset me and without thinking, I have lashed out at the person closest to me. I'm still learning how to be aware of my thoughts and language and keep in mind "Words are like fire, they can either warm or burn.."